This week marks the anniversary of my oldest brothers death and it is hitting me harder this year as I am so emotionally torn in missing him and being so blessed with my complete family. I can still remember standing at the front of the church with my parents and brother Peter, with Rick's casket right in front of us and my father saying- "this is the last time the five of us will be together." It breaks my heart to think this, muchless write this.
I have always been apart of a family of 5, but it got harder after he passed, because when you meet new people they ask if you have siblings and it was so hard to decide if I say I had 2 brothers, then when they ask where they are, I have to get into too much detail and sadness. If I leave him out of the conversation, my heart hurts and I feel terrible for acting like he never existed. I still miss him teribly and am so sad that he is not here to meet my husband or torment my children like he did to me when I was little.
This year Sophia joined us to complete our family, and though I will never forget any of the members of my orginal family of 5, it is bitter sweet that God has answered my prayers with my own family with 3 precious children. I am incredibly blessed and happy to be a complete family of 5. Right now, I am still getting used to saying that comfortably, but I am hoping that over time I will be able to say it without thinking about all that saying means to me, but to say it proudly knowing that he knows he has not been forgotten or replaced.
I wish I could post an old school photo of what I am calling the original 5 of us, but I do not even own a picture of all 5 of us. I will have to steal a copy of one next time I am at my parents house. Even though my kids do not like organized pictures I will take as many as I can of my family of 5 because every one of them is so precious to me. I will drag them kicking and screaming to get photos of us as a family so that if anything should happen to them, I will always have those moments to look back on. (Please note the second picture above is me dragging the two older kids to the picture location while relatives laughed at me, I won't mention who was laughing the most, but her name rhymes with weather) Unfortunately, in most of our family photos, not all of us look as happy to be a part of this family! Good luck to me convincing everyone else in this family how to smile in a picture!
2 comments:
I know that Sophia is a wonderful blessing, but I didn't realize just how much she represented by completing your family. Thank you for sharing that with us!
That was a beautiful and meaningful memorial to your brother and to all that your family means to you. I can't imagine all that goes through your heart and head as you remember his life (especially this time of year) and are living yours with your own family of 5. I'm proud to be your sis in law. PS I wasn't laughing THAT hard! ;)
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